I haven't gone back to this blog in a while. Life sure has been on fast forward this year. DH has been home since November. It was a wonderful time! Everyone was so happy to have him home!
Christmas was great. The kids got everything that their little hearts desired.
2013 started off quietly. No big issues, we were all still adjusting to having DH home.
I had my 25th birthday! I am now a quarter of a century old! I was surrounded by my DH and children. It was nice to feel so loved! We attempted a camping trip, but our neighbors in the campground were rowdy and drunk. We ended up only staying one night of the two planned nights. We still managed to have a good time though.
On May 9th, we found out that we were having another child! We were so excited! The baby was due in January, and we couldn't have been more pleased! We announced the pregnancy on Mother's Day. We Skyped with the kids' grandparents and told them the good news with a "Big Sister" shirt on Baby Bird. A few friends thought we are nuts, but we were expecting that.
However, a couple of weeks later our joy was smashed. I started spotting, and DH rushed me to the ER. We saw a little baby on the ultrasound, and saw a heartbeat. However, the ER doctor couldn't tell us much else. I went to OB/GYN a couple of days later for a follow up and we got the confirmation, our baby was no longer with us. All I have left is an ultrasound picture, and an ache in my heart.
As I walked out of the hospital, surrounded by pregnant mamas and newly minted mamas, my world crashed. I couldn't get a hold of DH, who had the children. I sat on a bench and cried. A woman stopped and asked if she could pray with me. She sat with me until DH got my message and came for me. It took a week for the entire process to be over. It was a heart rending week. Miss Tornado really took it hard. The concept of death is difficult for a 4 year old to grasp. She still talks about when God will put another baby in my tummy.
I am now about 3, almost 4 weeks out from that and life is starting to become more normal. I'm not as sad as I was, although I will always miss my baby. This was our second miscarriage, we now have two babies waiting for us in heaven. Right after the ultrasound, a name kept bouncing around in my head. It wasn't a name we had on our baby names list, and I had no idea where it came from. DH and I were talking about naming the baby and I told him the name I was thinking of. So we named the baby Nehemiah. The next day, when I told a friend about the name, she asked me what it meant. I looked it up, and found that it means "God is comfort". I received such a sense of peace when I saw that. God knows what we are going through, and this name was His way of telling us that our baby is ok. Knowing that my child is in the arms of his Creator relieves SOME of the pain.
We hope the Lord chooses to bless us again in the future.
Tomorrow is my dear Man-Puppy's third birthday. I'll update on how that goes soon. :-)
