Dang. These past 48 hours have been TOUGH! Father's Day without DH was a tough thing to get through. All weekend I was on a hair trigger for EVERYTHING. Saturday night DH was able to skype and I cried "on his shoulder" for a while telling him what was going on here and how I was feeling. He did a bit of crying too, I know he is hurting as much as I am. When I was going through the list of everything that was bothering me he thought he was anticipating my next comment when he mentioned "yeah, and then so-and-so's death had to be hard on you". The problem? I had not seen on facebook that "so-and-so", a dear friend of mine from Texas had died. She died of complications of cancer and leaves behind an Air Force husband and three small boys. My heart was ripped out of my chest when I realized this. I haven't been the same since. I haven't lost a friend to death since high school. The saying is that God won't give you more than you can handle, but the timing of finding out about my friend's death really pushed me to what felt like a breaking point. I had a minor anxiety attack and heart palpitations.
Sunday I didn't do much better. I didn't make it to church because of how frail I felt. Last Sunday I was no where near this frail and one friend asking me how I was doing led to my crying my make up off. If I had gone to church on Father's Day in my frame of mind it would not have been pretty. The kids and I hung out and watched movies while I took a break from "real life". We all needed the break. The kids were showing signs of feeling my stress and I just had to pull the "emergency brake" so to speak and rest. I'm not superwoman and I refuse to stress myself sick.
Today was a bit easier. I did cry about a mixup at the commissary, but I didn't have sobbing fits or feel like curling up in a ball, so I think I did pretty good. lol I'm sure the people at the gas station where I was fueling the van were wondering why the girl with the minivan had tears streaming down her face, but oh well...
Tonight a roach was crawling on the wall in the dining room (in Hawaii, it doesn't matter how clean you keep your house, you are going to have bugs... and geckos). I grabbed a flight boot and a flip flop and started my stalking. lol I actually tasted the adrenaline rush and noticed the sharpening effect it had on my vision and muscle tension. That was kinda cool. I did manage to kill the darn thing without it ending up flying into my hair (a common occurance) so I counted that as a "win". As I came down off the adrenaline high I remembered that I had forgotten to eat anything but a 6 inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub today, so I finally grabbed dinner at 9pm. It is easy to get so busy taking care of kids that I forget to eat!
Tomorrow I get to meet a friend's new baby at the hospital and then hit spin class! I've noticed that my heart palpitation from stress go away when I've been working out hard core, so I need to throw myself back into the fray. So far I have lost 13lbs since February, so I'm thrilled! 20 more to go!
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